To Find the One

On Sunday, I was struck by a song that was played during the offering. I came home and looked it up and found that it was written by Paul Alan and is called “Only to Bring you Back”. Here are the lyrics to the chorus:

“I left the ninety-nine, to find the one. And you’re the one! I walked a thousand miles in the desert sun, only to bring you back.”

I love the chorus because it makes me think of the world today. We Christians have the opportunity every day to make something more important than God. We can turn to money, possessions, other people, and just about anything you can think of, but we have chosen to make God the center of our lives.

So many times I have found myself prioritizing something above God. When I catch myself, I am so ashamed, and I wish I could run and hide. Yet, I know that I must turn to God for forgiveness. It is very hard for me to admit my mistakes to anyone, even God. It is so easy in the world today to find something that consumes all of my attention. If I flip on the television, I see a million things that I “NEED” to have. I think commercials come straight from the Devil! They try to make us want something that will take away our focus from God.

When I was eight, I finally figured out why I didn’t feel complete. I was trying to find something to fill this empty place inside me, but I didn’t know what. My parents helped me find that I wanted to become a Christian. They took me on long walks around the neighborhood teaching me about God’s love and Christ’s ultimate sacrifice. I made the decision to be baptized, and my dad did the honors in our bathtub on May 18th, 2002. I had turned to many different things trying to find that one that would complete me forever. I looked to my not-always-good friends for affirmation of who I was, turned to buying stuff when I felt like I didn’t have enough (when I really had way more than I needed), and many other things trying to figure out what it was that would fill me up. I may have only been in 3rd Grade, but it is amazing what you can feel at that age. I finally found that it was my soul that was not complete. When I went under that water in the bathtub and came back up, I was complete. I had found the one in the ninety-nine that would confirm my identity forever. I found that my identity is in Christ, not in the world.

Even now, after I have been a Christian for six and a half years, I still turn to the world on occasion. I look back at the ninety-nine and wonder if they are really any better than what I have right now. Sometimes, I even go as far as to test it out and see what they are like. Fortunately, I am able to recognize my mistakes and go running back to bow at the feet of Christ.

The song I heard on Sunday voiced what I often feel, but could never explain before. I realize that I do want to leave those that are of the world, and join the ONE and ONLY ONE who will fulfill my life forever. I encourage all of you to make this leap, and make the goal of your life to find the One who was, is, and will forever be there for you.

Hebrews 13:8 “Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever.”

My Dad is Awesome!

Guess what my dad did today? He took me and my sister to the father-daughter dance (Butterfly Kisses) at the Lincoln Center DURING THE SUPER BOWL. My dad may not be the biggest football fan, but it still made me feel good.

This has been a tradition in my family for the last eleven years. On Super Bowl Sunday for the past eleven years, my dad has taken me to Butterfly Kisses to show me how much he loves me. When my sister was born, he offered to take us to two separate dances so as to preserve our alone time with him, but we decided to go together.

These past eleven dances have been the highlight of my year with my dad. I love spending time with him, and I love that he wants to spend that time with me.
Last week, Dad pulled Lexi and I into the living room and bent on one knee. He pulled out the tickets to the dance from his pocket, and asked us if we would go with him. Do you know what he is trying to teach me? He’s trying to show me how a man or boy should treat me when I am old enough to court (which according to him is thirty-five). He doesn’t do it just because it’s a tradition! He does it because he wants me to set my standards high so I don’t settle for a man that is not meant to be my husband.

My dad has taught me so many things. He’s taught me how to change the oil in the car (yes, I really do know how), do a job well (he is Mr. Perfectionist!), how to understand the subject of Economics, and lots of current events. But the most important thing he has taught me is what to expect from a guy. Because I have his example, I don’t give a second thought to those who are not up to my standards.

So many teenage girls do not have a father figure in their life. Whether it is through divorce, death, or something else, these girls have a higher chance of settling for just any boy. A dad’s influence in his daughter’s life is so very important. Without this, a girl will not know what to look for in a husband.

My dad is a great example of respectfulness toward women. I love watching him with my mom. He makes a point to kiss her as soon as he comes home from work, he buys her thoughtful gifts, and he tells her she is beautiful (which she is). My dad shows me how my husband should treat me when I get married. I hope to find someone just like my dad when I grow up. He is such a good man, who has set a great example for me.

Thank you, Dad, for being there for me whenever I need you. You have shown me the importance of finding the right man, and how to set my expectations high. Thank you for building up my self-confidence by frequently telling me I look beautiful. It may seem small on your part, but it means the world to me. I love you, Dad, and hope to dance with you at Butterfly Kisses for many years to come. You’re the best, and I love you very much.

Here are the pictures from before the dance:

Lexi, Dad, and Me.

We love you, Dad!

Excited for the dance!

The dog wanted to pose, too :)

Do I look stupid in this picture?

Good or Evil?

Is man basically good or evil?

Until now, I was absolutely positive that man was basically evil. This is what I had always heard and believed, but I found something that could contradict that. Keep in mind: I don’t have an answer for this, I’m just speculating.

Genesis chapter 1 verse 27 says, “So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” If we were created in the image of God, then we are not evil, we are good! After all, God is the epitome of perfection and goodness. From this verse, I can conclude that man is basically good.

Unfortunately, you must look at the Bible as a whole, and not pick out just a few verses. Genesis chapter 8 verse 21 gives a different view of this discussion: “The Lord smelled the pleasing aroma and said in His heart: ‘Never again will I curse the ground because of man, even though every inclination of his heart is evil from childhood.’” This is God’s covenant to Noah after the Flood and its destruction of the earth. So God is saying that man is basically evil from the moment he is born. Doesn’t that contradict the first verse?

I know the Bible never contradicts itself, so this cannot be the answer.
The only conclusion that I can come to is that, when Adam and Eve ate the fruit from the tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, the sin that entered their lives completely wiped out the purity of mind and body that God had given them. Since they allowed sin to play a part in their lives, they fell from God’s grace, and were no longer allowed to be like Him.

I suppose this is how the human race lost their goodness. We are still made in God’s image, but when we choose the world over God, we become evil inside. Thankfully, Jesus paved the way to perfection, and this can be attained by repenting and being baptized. If Jesus had not come, there would be no hope for regaining our status of goodness.

I still am unsure of my conclusion, but I think man starts out good, but when he allows sin to enter his life, he becomes evil and the only way to become good again is by accepting Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. I could be completely wrong, and if you have another opinion, please leave a comment. These are only the conclusions of a fifteen-year-old who is not wise enough to make these speculations without some help. Please leave your opinions for me to think on and take into consideration.

1 Corinthians 11:7a: “A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God.”

What We Take For Granted

This post probably won’t make sense to you unless you have ever been so sick you just wanted to die, so I’m sorry if it doesn’t apply, or grosses you out!

This week, I was sick. I don’t mean just a little cold that is more annoying than debilitating, I mean REALLY sick. I had Influenza B, and I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to go to heaven as much as I did on Monday. This type of Influenza basically starts out with the worst stomach flu imaginable, and then progresses into a really bad cold. All day Monday, I couldn’t keep even a sip of water down. I have never been so thirsty in all of my life! All I wanted was a drink of water, but I didn’t want to risk it.

It occurred to me in my semi-conscious state that I take water for granted WAY too often. If you’ve ever gone an entire day without a sip of liquid, you know what I mean. How many times a day do I go get a glass of water, take one sip, and dump the rest out? A little too often, apparently.

This got me thinking about what else I take for granted. There are so many things that I do not appreciate for their true value.

It is only when you are deprived of something that you begin to see its true importance.

How true is that statement? Sometimes we don’t care about something until it is taken away from us. This applies to people, possessions, and many other things. Not long ago, a family moved away from my church. I had babysat for them a couple of times, and really loved their kids. I did not realize what a part of our church body they were until they left. It was not until I wasn’t able to hug the kids that I realized how important they were to me.

And what about Jesus? It was only when he was hung on the cross that people came to see Him as the Messiah. Imagine how guilty you would feel if your whole life you had scorned Him, and then you come to find He is truly the Messiah! Jesus was taken for granted in possibly the worst way ever. His pain was immense at the hands of those who did not believe.

This week, I had to read the Diary of Anne Frank and write several essays about it. I love this book, and was glad to read something so interesting. Anne also took many things for granted and did not realize it until she went into hiding. She was deprived of so many things, and only realized their importance after they were taken from her. Her worst struggle was loneliness, because she could only see the eight people in hiding with her every day. How horrible would it be to be deprived of people?! I am not much of a people person, but I could not live without any interaction with people.

Think about it this week, and make a list of all the things you take for granted. I promise you that it will make you feel tremendously blessed. Isn’t it amazing how much we have that we don’t even know about?

The Carousel of Life

This weekend, my mom and dad took me to a big shopping mall in Denver. Colorado Mills is the BIGGEST mall I’ve ever seen, and even has a beautiful carousel in the middle of the food court.

My parents went to stand in line for lunch, and I stayed with our coats, purses, etc. I watched the carousel go round and round. For some reason, I have always been attracted to carousels, and I even still ride them when I get the opportunity. I may be fifteen, but I’m definitely still a kid.

As I watched the looks of pure glee on the children’s faces, I thought about my own experiences. I’ve always loved getting to choose which horse to ride on (I always pick a white or black one…don’t ask me why), and seeing the world spin by me. I love the look of joy on the children’s faces as they mount their horses.

And then, I looked at the faces of the parents.

Most of them looked like they couldn’t wait to get off. Now, I know that the “carousel song” can get extremely annoying after a while, but these parents didn’t even try to enjoy the ride. They just stood by their children, and looked cranky.

It seems to me that the culture these days wants us to rush everything. We are encouraged to experience everything we can, and hurry through life. The ads on the television are all about things you have to have NOW; you need this NOW, if you don’t have it, come get it NOW.

While we cannot prevent “now” from happening, we can choose to slow down and see God’s wonderful creations. So often, we take life in chunks at a time and miss the little joys God gives to us. I so often miss beautiful things that could really bless my life if I took the time to see them.

Having a daily devotional is something I try and do every day. I have made it a requirement that I must have my Bible reading done before I start anything else (schoolwork, chores, relaxation time, etc.). This helps me to slow down and focus on what God has for me to learn that day. It truly does help me stop and “take time to smell the roses”.

As I watched the carousel go around, my heart yearned to tell the parents to stop and enjoy the moment of fun. I wished I could tell them that eventually, they are going to jump off that carousel of life, and never be able to get back on. I wanted them to know that they should enjoy the time with their children, because they will not be young forever.

So often, we get caught up in the carousel of life, and we feel like it will never let us off. If we have a good attitude, and make something good come from everything, life will not be so unbearable. It is only when we make the carousel turn too fast that it becomes too much for us to handle.

A Change of Perspective

If you’ve ever had a birthday (and I’m sure you have!) you know what it is like to look back on the past and see how your life has changed.

Monday was my fifteenth birthday. All day, I kept thinking how my perspective has changed throughout my life. So much has happened in the past five years, and through it all I have come to see things in a very different light.

Up until fourth grade, I went to public school. I never thought about homeschooling or what it would be like. All I knew was public school. I went to Traut Core Knowledge School, and had many good teachers. My Kindergarten teacher was such a sweet and calm lady, and she taught me so much. My first grade teacher, Mrs. Schmidt, was a great support to me as a Christian. I would have to say my second grade teacher was my absolute favorite. Miss Elder (now Mrs. Hanlon), showed me that I didn’t have to rush through everything. She even made me do an assignment over because it wasn’t neat. (Yeah, I was mad then, but it has helped me ever since!) I was definitely the teacher’s pet in third grade… Mrs. Ashley was a great teacher and a wonderful influence. My fourth grade teacher was horrible, but one out of five isn’t bad…

The last day of fourth grade was very strange for me. My parents had decided to homeschool me and my siblings starting that very next year. I was terrified at the prospect of doing something so drastically different. I didn’t know what to make of it, and I cried a lot. That first year of homeschooling was very hard (especially for my mom!), but at the end of the year, I was absolutely in love with homeschooling. I even admitted to both my parents that I was wrong and they were right.

That began the start of my perspective change. I had been yanked out of my comfort zone and thrown into something completely different. I adjusted, but it wasn’t easy.
Slowly, I saw a change in my family as well. We began to have what we call “family worship” every night before bedtime. We read either a devotional book or shared what was on our hearts. This was a very good change, and has brought my family closer than ever before.

As we became more involved in the homeschool community, we began to see the pros and cons of public school. Last year’s homeschool conference (CHEC) brought the issue of worldview into my life in a very dramatic way. The messages of the speakers all revolved around worldview and spiritual legacy. My parents began to think about what Jeff Myers (a wonderful speaker on the homeschool circuit) calls “passing the baton” and what Doug Phillips (leader of Vision Forum) calls a “multi-generational vision”. I could see that my parents not only wanted to teach me what I needed to get into college, but what I need to pass the love of Jesus on to my children.

So much has changed for me in my fifteen years of life, and I am so grateful to all the people who have shown me these things. I want to thank my mom and dad for wanting to pass on a spiritual legacy to me and my siblings more than anything else in the world. I hope this next year of my life will bring about more good changes!

Whose Expectations?

I apologize to my four readers for not posting in two weeks… I have been very busy with the holidays, and not in a writing mood! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and are enjoying 2009!

Have you ever felt like you are being bombarded with a subject or something in particular? In the past two weeks or so, I have kept seeing the word “expectations” everywhere. I don’t usually stop and think about it, but it hit me rather hard.

If you know me very well, you know that I have a hard time making friends and reaching out to people because I am shy. Not painfully shy, but reserved enough that I don’t talk in public unless I am spoken to first. This has been a real problem for me since I was little, and especially now since I am in high school.

About two and a half years ago, my family decided to find a new church. We found Dayspring, and placed membership after about six months of visiting. If you have ever changed churches, you know that it is very difficult to fit in at first. Although it does not compare to moving to a different state, it is still hard. For me, it was weird to come in and suddenly be an outsider. I had gone to our previous church for nine years, and there was only one other girl in my grade level, so it was not a struggle to be accepted. When my family joined Dayspring, I was going into seventh grade, so I was placed in the middle school class. Almost every kid in the class went to the same school, was in the same class, and had grown up together. I did not know what they were talking about half the time, and felt like I was standing at the zoo looking in at the animals, but not able to connect with them in any way.

Right now, I am in the high school youth group and am the only homeschooled kid. It is incredibly hard to try and fit in, and pretend like I am just like them. For two years I have tried to make them like me (which is very difficult when you don’t talk out loud very often), and have hoped that one day they will see that I am no different than they are. I am not saying that the kids in the youth group are mean or pushy (they are actually very nice), but they can tell that I am vastly different from them.

Two weeks ago, it hit me.

I don’t have to be like them! I don’t have to pretend that I know what public high school is like. To live that way would be a lie! It’s okay to be different.

I am a people pleaser, and it is not always a good thing. I strive for acceptance and want to make everyone happy. I don’t like being an outcast, and I have cried many nights because I am so different from the other teens my age.

I’m slowly starting to realize that it is okay to be different. God made everyone unique in their own way, and we should not be ashamed of how we are. If we don’t like who God made us to be, we are insulting His creation.

The expectations of this world are drastically different from what God wants. The world is like a candy mold; we have to fit in just right, or we will stick out conspicuously. God wants us to follow his ways and not compare ourselves to anyone except Jesus Christ. It is His example we are to follow, and no one else’s.

Please don’t get me wrong. I would not trade homeschooling for anything in the world. I don’t mind being different, and not all homeschoolers are outcasts. I have chosen to be different, and it is okay. I am just one case in a million, so don’t base your view of homeschooling solely on my account.

I think one of the biggest expectations that the world has is friendship. The world expects us to be friends with our peers. I do not have very many friends that are my own age. (Yes, a shocker, I know.) My very best friend is my mom, and she is twenty years older than me. The world does not expect any teen girl to have a good relationship with her mom. The world doesn’t frown upon it, but it is not expected or normal.

On Tuesday, I went to Starbuck’s with my dear friend Candice McLaren. She is a young mom with five children. Obviously, I am only fourteen, don’t have children, and can’t even drive! And yet, Mrs. McLaren has reached out to me, and has befriended me. She has shown me so much about God, and has acted not only as a friend, but as a mentor as well. I am dearly grateful for her friendship. The world may think it is weird for me to be such good friends with someone in a different stage of life, but I think it is cool.

The teens of this world get into so much trouble nowadays. I can only wonder if it is because they only look to their peers for advice. I think having a friend that is a lot older than you will help you gain wisdom and knowledge.

Not only am I friends with people over twenty, I love children, too! A little girl at my church, Sarah, is one of my dear friends, and she is only six years old. In fact, on New Year’s Eve, I played hide and seek with her for nearly an hour. I did not do it just because she asked me, I did it because I wanted to.

Well, now that you’ve read this blog, you probably think that I am totally nuts. I just want to say that this year, I am not going to try to fit into the image of the world, I am going to be who God made me to be, and reach out through who I really am. I am so grateful that God has shown me my mistake, and I am going to strive to compare myself only to God.