Tuesday, January 26, 2010

In the Desert

I often feel like I go through spurts in my Christianity. It might be through a time of intense prayer or closeness to God or the complete opposite.

This summer I went through a worshipful spurt. Every time the radio turned on or I went to church, I would close my eyes and feel like it was just me and God. I loved this phase…it grew my spirit immensely and allowed me to take steps toward God that I never could have imagined possible.

In October, I was greatly convicted that I needed to pray intensely about everything, no matter what it was. I would pray on my knees, head bowed every night before bed. Usually I prayed for a wide array of things, but sometimes I focused on one person or issue. I think my greatest weakness is my prayer life, and this time was a great lesson in the power and trust involved in prayer.

What stage am I in now, you ask? I currently am struggling a lot, not necessarily with any particular issues, but this time of year always gets me down. The holidays are over, and I am settled in for a long Colorado winter, where spring feels so far off. I am in the desert of my Christianity, and I must work hard to get out.

I am not clinically depressed, just sad and longing for warmth and light. My problem is that I don’t look to the light, but simply resign myself to the fact that it is gloomy winter instead of face the light.

What light? The light from Jesus’ face that radiates through all the seasons of my life. Not just the ones that are easy. God still loves me, even if I feel like He is so far away.

I think the song, “Tunnel” by Third Day truly sums up what I am living for:

“There's a light at the end of this tunnel
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
Shinin' bright at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
So keep holdin' on

You've got your disappointments and sorrows
You ought to share the weight of that load with me
Then you will find that the light of tomorrow
Brings a new life for your eyes to see

So remember what I've told you
There's so much you're living for”

When I am going through a time of struggle or sadness, I always look to this song. When I am in the desert, God speaks to me through it and helps me to see that I will not always be where I am if I trust Him and work to leave my desert of loneliness.

God is at the end of my tunnel, and I am always going to strive to reach the light. 2 Chronicles 7:16 says, “I have chosen and consecrated this temple so that my Name may be there forever. My eyes and my heart will always be there.” God is always there, and He has chosen me.

That is what I will hang on to during my time in the desert. I am making my journey across it, however, and will soon be out of my struggle, because God’s light is at the end of my tunnel.

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