Identity

(I realize that this blog is more rambling than usual, but it something I had to write. Please bear with me as I pour out my thoughts…)

I am a people-pleaser by nature. I always have been. When I was little, if I was corrected by my Sunday school teacher or got scolded for talking I would be devastated. I want so badly to please the people that I respect, yet I still want to stand up for my beliefs.

It is very hard for me to take criticism, simply because I think that when I do something wrong that I have let that person down. While this may be true, most criticism comes out of love and a want for me to improve in my spiritual life. I have come a long way in listening to others thoughts about me, but I still stumble.
When criticism is given unjustly, my heart is broken. When a person judges me unfairly, I weep inside. Sometimes it is hard to know that someone dislikes me or doesn’t care for the REAL me, and I often wonder if I have done something wrong.

But I must stand strong. I cannot let others run all over me simply because they don’t like me or have listened to gossip about my life. I must learn to look to God for my self-worth, not the world’s view of my life.

MY IDENTITY IS IN CHRIST.

I didn’t know I struggled with this until the last few months. I thought I knew who I was, and was prepared to always defend my beliefs and my identity. But it has been severely tested, and I wonder sometimes if standing up for myself is worth the pain and the trouble.

But God has told me again and again to look to Him for my value. I am a sinful human, and sometimes I am so overcome with my wrongs and troubles that I forget to look to the One who created me to be beautiful on the inside. The song “Mirror” by BarlowGirl has helped me remember that although the world may see a strange, crazy girl, God sees my heart that has been washed clean by the blood of Jesus.

Luke 16:15 says, “He said to them, "You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of men, but God knows your hearts. What is highly valued among men is detestable in God's sight.” It is so easy to justify myself in the eyes of the world, but I remember that God knows my heart and loves me unconditionally.

When I am beaten down by those who do not respect me, I must remember that God knows my innermost being. 1 John 3:20, “…whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and He knows everything.” My heart may condemn me, but God is greater than my sin and my sadness.

If you have ever had trouble comparing yourself to others or have wanted to be something that you know you are not, please listen. It is hard to overcome our minds which deceive and torture us with thoughts on our sin and our incapability to do anything, but God allows us to focus only on Him, ignoring the people who jeer and laugh at us for our beliefs. God is in front of us, and if we look at Him, we will never stumble.

Jesus was laughed, beaten, and jeered at in a much more horrible manner. Yet He endured it. We must follow His example of loving kindness even in times of trouble.

Job 11:15, “…then you will lift up your face without shame; you will stand firm and without fear.”